81. We knew it too well.

Pernah tak rasa macam sesak dada sebab nak let go something?

Aku pernah. Malam tadi.
Usai pertemuan sebentar yet bermakna, aku rasa sedikit sebak dan sesak.

Bukan sesak nafas atau dada tu.
Tapi rasa sesak dalam proses untuk letting go.

Tiada penyesalan major, sekadar throwing back a bit or maybe I am just being hormonal.
Aku yakin ini terbaik.
Walaupun mungkin jalan cerita kehidupan pasti berbeza hanya dengan satu gerak hati atau keputusan, dan ianya membuatkan aku terfikir, bagaimana takdir Allah itu mampu mengubah segalanya.

Dari suka kepada benci.
Dari  hitam kepada putih.

Allah pusing hati kita sekejap sahaja.
Dan disebabkan keputusan kita, maka jalan penceritaan kehidupan kita pastilah berbeza.
Walaupun mungkin sebelum ini draft nya sudah ada. Tapi kalau tak ditekan butang Publish itu, maka tidaklah ia berakhir sebagai satu post.

Moga Allah redhai perjalanan kami ini.
Perjalanan dia. 

Moga keputusan yang aku pilih dulu, tidak membuahkan penyesalan untuk hari ini atau masa depan.

Sesungguhnya Allah telah menciptakan perjalanan yang lebih untuk aku, kau. Kita.
Just believe in Him ya :)

Walaupun keep believing itu tak semudah mana.

Anis
Mengharapkan yang lebih baik
1027am


Epilog;
I slept and dreamt of people I missed. 
People that I might overlooked every now and then.
People that I once hoped for.
People that I wanted to say that I miss her.

I dreamed that I talked to all of them. 


Epilogue 2;
So last night I waved goodbye for the last time. 
He did it too. Way from afar.
My heart sank a bit.
We knew it too well so we remain friends :) 

23. Mental Vacation.

We all need it sometimes.

I deactivated my FB account.
Let's see how it lasts this time.

This is another kind of pauses that I need sometimes.
I am afraid if I have posted too much of crap things that I don't find peace anymore.

Forgive me if I did.

Mental vacay is needed.

But I still can be contacted via Whatsapp and blog. And you_know_what ;)


Anis
No vacay until I finished my lab works.

30. Masjid

Harini mula berpening mencari dewan/event space. Untuk program yang diberitahu terlalu suntuk - 29 Julai.
Tiba-tiba aku teringat rumah Allah.

Dan aku baru tahu untuk deal with most of masjid selalunya deal dengan jurunikah *peluh

InsyaAllah antara dua masjid.
Yay or nay?



Anis
1413
"Jom bina masjid?"

137. Kecemasan.

"Perbaharui taubatmu. Mungkin imanmu saat ini tidak mampu membentengi dugaan-dugaan ini."

Tarik nafas.

"Perbanyakkan ibadah-ibadah sunat, dari situlah kekuatan akan datang."

Aku hampir lupa nasihat ini T_T
Aku hampir lupa apa yang patut, perlu aku buat tatkala iman merudum macam ni.

Segera aku mencari hikmah hikmah yang tercicir.
Lalu Dia gerakkan aku untuk kembali blog walk.

"Hikmah itu adalah barang mukmin yang tercicir. Carilah hikmah di sebalik setiap ujian ini. Allah sedang merancang sesuatu yang baik buatmu."

Tatkala kau berharap bagai nak rak - sekali Allah timpakan ujian.
Ujian untuk kita melihat, adakah kita masih mengharapkan Dia, atau manusia.

Harini aku belajar sesuatu (lagi).
Perancangan manusia tak pernah menjadi sekiranya Allah tak izinkan.

Mulalah aku berkira-kira dalam diri, adakah ini petunjuk Allah bahawa perancangan aku itu lansung tidak baik bagiku?
Adik mula membisik, sebelum kami solat Maghrib di Balai Pelawat Hospital Ampang.

"Mungkin bukan sebab tiada jodoh. Mungkin belum masanya lagi"

Adik cuba positif.
Aku sudah menebak takdir.

Adik bongsuku, Ariff dikejarkan ke wad kecemasan kerana disengat binatang yang dia sendiri pun tidak mengetahui.
Aku sebagai kakak, mutarabbi yang ada jilsah, dan juga pembantu yang dijadualkan syura pada malam ini terpaksa memillih antara semuanya.
Sudah tentu adik menjadi prioriti-ku.

Dalam pada aku terus memilih untuk bersama adikku, aku terus berkira-kira tentang perancangan aku untuk harini dan esok.
Astaghfirullah. Moga Allah ampuni.

Aku terlupa, aku mungkin mampu merancang. Sebaiknya aku merancang.
Sebab perancangan aku ini bakal memberi impak pada hidup aku nanti.

Cuma, belum masanya lagi.
Mungkin.
Atau Allah punya Perancangan yang Maha Baik.

Sejujurnya. Aku bersyukur sebab Ariff was all okay. Dengan izin Allah.
Banyak perkara yang aku belajar sewaktu 4 jam berhempas pulas dengan peristiwa mencemaskan tadi.
Yang utama, bersyukur punya badan dan akal yang sihat.

Bersyukur dan terus bersyukur.
Sekurangnya kita masih mampu hidup mandiri tanpa pertolongan orang lain.

Cukup buat aku tersentak - patutkah aku bersedih?

Mungkin, aku perlu lebih bersyukur.

Perancangan hidup aku?
"Tahulah" Allah rancangkan untuk aku.


Anis
Yang berharap.

2320hrs 

1171. Pause.

We need to pause at times.
Yesterday, while I went to Majlis Aidilfitri at the faculty, I realized that at one point, we all need pauses.
Though the majlis might be interesting because it has various foods, delectable drinks, all favorite lecturers gathered and singing and wishing to each other.

At one point - we might fatigued.

Then comes a point where we need to re-aligned our 'way' back to Him.

Because we are too afraid if we 'may' neglect Him in most of our times.

So what is the source of happiness then?
Because eating, drinking, meeting good people might not fulfill one's needs.

The source of happiness is Him.

As long as we are with Him, we feel content.
As long as we wear, we do, we recite with align to what Allah want us to do, we feel content.

InsyaAllah.

Sorry for stating what is so obvious in our life.
I just need to be reminded, again and again, with this kind of basic tazkeerah 


Anis
0859 am 

117. Losing and Winning.

"Itu rezeki you all lah. You win something, you lose something"

This is my second time quoting from Prof T.
Actually I overheard him while he chit chat with Dr R, a family medicine specialist.

I don't know him in person.
He doesn't know me either.
Its just because I like to quote other people's random rants.

But deep one only :)

His quote actually made me realized - when we win over something, actually we are losing something either - in a good way la.
InsyaAllah.

But it should not made us proud, or being a selfish or greedy.
But to be more gratitude.
People of Alhamdulillah.

We gain something.
But at the same time, we are losing something.

How to handle all of them at once?
Jadi orang yang bersyukur.

Moga kita tergolong dalam golongan yang merendah diri dan bersyukur.
 Walaupun mungkin kita pakai duckscarves haha tetiba sangat


Anis
Don't wanna lose.
1116 a.m 

10. Thoughts

Say Hello to my old blog.

Rusty, dusty blog of mine. I hope nobody read me (read my blog) at the moment.
Last post was during last year.
I don't know where to start, what to scribble now.

Maybe a "Hi!" would do - to greet readers of this rusty blog.

So much to pour.
But I am afraid words can't describe much of myself.
Since I don't write so much these days.

As for a start, let me tell you that my Master study is ongoing.
Kindly pray for me to get into full writing by end of this year.

Personal life? Nothing much.
Nothing different from my undergrad years. Sad? A bit.
But I am convinced that I am going to meet someone real soon.

Yes. I am praying for you - single souls who read this too ;)

Today is 16 Syawal. Yes, mid-Syawal already.
Eid Mubarak to all of you.

Let's greet our future with the new version of ourselves.
May Allah bless us all.

Ameen ya Rabb.


Anis
Hopeful one.

Its Seven!

Bismillah.

Its been a (looooooong) while I blogged. 
And my hands stampered.

Life has been good, alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal.
And I am looking forward for (more) adventuressss in remaining 5 months of this year.

This Syawal has been good - so far.
Visiting people. Open houses. And of course - walimahs back to back on every weekends till August.
Barakallahulakuma!

While I might be alone again in Syawal this year, let's pray that I might stumbled upon  meet my perfect other half in near future.

Ameen.


Anis N
070717
1214hrs

Oh yea, its July 7. 
7 has no longer be my favorite number :)