At this stage, I found it easy to give up everything and just finish my thesis while do nothing.
Now I only realize how my other fellow friends have been experiencing previously. While received my never-ending Whatsapp messages, asking to hang in there, keep on searching and seeking, do not be so choosy ever - whatever. Sigh.
I know these moments are just a test; like any other 'test' given by Allah for me to upgrade myself. Maybe Allah want me to feel and experience what my fellow good friends have felt - the least I can tell right now. But in the bigger picture, I know Allah SWT want to give me something better - but I am yet to figure out what and when.
How; probably.
Of course, while being unemployed, I found other things that I might overlooked quite sometimes. I rather would not rant on this. The best part is I get to help my mother with other chores, and accompanying her, here and there.
I was once got a chance to go for interview as an Research Officer. There in USM, Penang.
Honestly, I am not afraid to go far from my family. I know someone whom I can rely on there in Penang (she might read this :P). But something really caught me, of looking after my family. And of course the field - bioprocess - which I need to learn all over again.
So I turn down that one.
And continue searching for other jobs. This morning I got another offer, the same one who called me previously, asking to be a PA/Secretary. But because of the workplace in Shah Alam, I need to turn down this one too. Though I knew it best that I am in need of a job at the moment, but for some circumstances, I rejected.
That, made me thinking, of the purpose of seeking just to finally letting go.
You know, it's like you are meeting a kind and soleh guy, who got what it takes to be a good husband. But, for some reason, deep down you just 'got the sign' that he is not for you. Then you letting him go, which raised questions by people surrounds you. And you just can't explain them.
Okay I over-rant it. Actually my friend just experienced this. So I put it here just in case.
But it's true.
Now I truly, it's never because we are choosy or what.
It's just because of the timing.
And we haven't settle for any chance, be it job or partner, just yet.
I know it's very common and cliche to write this over. Chanting everywhere in my posts.
But it's so true. I hope 'future' Anis will be aware of this.
To be more grateful when hardships come. Think again of other people who are yet to get any job (I hate it when people call them jobless).
For that, I am not holding any grudge to let go my previous position. I hope its the best for me and them - for anyone who might want to ask this question to me.
In other sense, I feel unattached to anything.
Because, that is what we need to hold firm with. And what this world needs to be understood.
Nothing will be remained.
Nothing is guaranteed.
Chin up, Anis.
